I remember not too long ago when I was sitting in a coffee shop in Chelsea, NYC with a female friend of mine. We eventually started talking about her dating life, and to help explain her state of frustration, she showed me her Tinder message feed.
A lot of the conversations were what I expected, but what really surprised me was the depressing lack of originality with the opening messages. She had over 180 matches in her feed….and from the top to the bottom, it was all the same…
“How u doin?”
“Ur gorgeous… #?”
I remember sitting there thinking to myself, “Good lord…. if this were me…how in the hell would I figure out who to message when everything looks like this?” If it was that tough for me to sit there for 2 minutes and try to sift through all that fluff, imagine how it is for her.
Especially when she’s dealing with this Every.Single.Day.
If this is how it is for most women, NO WONDER most guys don’t ever hear back! Guys, the hard truth of online dating is that if you want to be noticed. You’re going to have to do something to stand out from the rest of the masses of guys.
“Easy, Michael….just be a 6’5″ good-looking millionaire with a Lambo and a six pack….that’ll do the trick.”
True….those things will certainly help (at least with getting initial interest), but what if you don’t have those things? How can you leverage yourself so that you get noticed? Part of how you do this (in addition to improving your photo quality, which we’ve discussed) is by crafting better messages that will get her to stop and take notice. “Hey there” isn’t going to cut it.
Why is a simple “hey” such a bad first message?
1) It’s boring….it doesn’t create any emotional spark.
2) It’s actually hard to respond to meaningfully..Just saying ‘hey’ back is a prelude to a pretty dead-end conversation.
3) It’s terribly unoriginal..and doesn’t showcase anything about yourself or your personality…which you’ll need to do in order to stand out.
So, what does a high-quality opening message look like? I’ll be talking more about that in my upcoming posts during this week, where we will be breaking down the 3 Keys to Kickass Opening Messages.”
But for now, think about the messages you send to women online. Which ones have worked? Which ones haven’t?
Comment below and let me know.