My thoughts on CONFIDENCE
(And no, this is not just another cliche “Be Confident” post)
Where does confidence come from? How can we get more of it?
I’m going to give you my advice…but first.
When I first wanted to improve my dating life by doing “game”…..
One of the biggest themes I always came across was the idea of “stepping outside your comfort zone.”
The idea being that if you continually put yourself in situations that are uncomfortable or challenging for you…
Eventually you will get so used to it, that you will develop rock solid confidence and can handle yourself anywhere.
Sounds good in theory, but it never worked for me.
Why?…Because I was doing things that deep down, I didn’t want to do, and that went against my idea of a good, fun time.
At first, I was told I needed to put myself in venues that were going to “challenge” me, like loud bars and nightclubs.
As someone who prefers peace and quiet…I always hated those places, and never saw myself ever liking them.
For 2 years, every weekend, I hit up the bars and clubs, using strategies I was taught, hoping that eventually I would gain competence and confidence.
Those things never came.
2 years on, I was still questioning myself as to whether I could ever meet a woman I really wanted.
But when I changed things up, and made more of an effort to meet women in places where I WAS comfortable (like online and meetup groups)..
My results improved…and then, I got a lot more confidence.
So much so, that I was able to go out to those more challenging venues later on and do a much better job..
Because mentally…I already had proof that I could achieve success.
So what’s the lesson here?
A lot of “experts” will tell you that to build confidence, you have to immediately go out and do things that make you uncomfortable…
To “step into the discomfort” and “force” yourself to grow.
I call bullshit on that.
Instead, how about doing the opposite? Start out building your confidence by getting success in areas where you know you can, and build from there.
You may find it a lot easier and more fun to work at. And because of that, you may find you are in a much better position to meet your ideal woman!
Fun times….situations where you are naturally confident and competent, and don’t have to “pump your state”…women who have things in common with you?
Sounds like a win-win to me.
No Game Necessary 